Random Thoughts on Tits

A whole "restaurant" franchise, Hooters, is built upon tits' resemblance, real or imagined, to owls' eyes. Unfortunately, even a decent pair of tits can't always save the day. Dana Plato, of TV's Different Strokes, tried to make a career comeback by exposing her tits in a few tawdry X-rated films, after committing armed robbery in Las Vegas, but, somehow, for her, the magic wasn't there, even though she did have some respectable hooters.

If you've been reading this essay closely (or at all), you've seen that tits go by many names. We call them boobs (women's favorite term), breasts (which medical doctors prefer), hooters, jugs, knockers, mammary glands (or just plain "mammaries" among friends), melons, and probably a score or more other euphemisms. A nicknames is supposed to be a sign of affection on the part of the person who bestows it (although some argue that it is actually an expression of condescension and contempt). If such is the case, any anatomical part that's acquired as many nicknames as tits has to be popular, without question.

In America (especially in Texas), nothing's ever big enough, especially tits (unless you happen to prefer bee-sting and thimble-size tits, as some do, since smaller tits are associated with youth, and young ladies are hard to beat in terms of beauty and, well, youth). Consequently, plastic surgeons make tons of money enlarging the size of female and shemale tits, performing, in some cases, as many "breast-augmentation procedures" on the same hard-to-please lady as the quack who continuously remodeled Michael Jackson's face. Some women and male-to-female transsexuals have been known to change tit size as often as they change their hair color. Most men, presumably even Zembick, tend to be content with breasts of any size, "A" through double" E," although Marilyn Monroe popularized 36-inch, "C"-cup hooters, and, for many, men and women alike, her example sets the standard.